Phone Games

"Call me on my sidekick,  Never answer when its Private..." 

Lil Wayne

Ring Ring!!! (Private Call)

Me: Hello, who is this? (static and voices in the background)

Dude(deep rough voice):Yooo

Me: Who is this?!

 

Dude: Its me yo...

Me: huh? who is me? and why is this from a blocked number?

Dude: Yo, dat nigga **** ...I met you at dat club down on Broad St., yo....whatchu mean you 

            dont know who dis is?!

Me: Dont act like you cant hear me, I said, I dont know who this is, because I dont know who 

        this is, and I dont appreciate people playing on my phone, and I dont know what club on 

        Broad St. you talking about

Dude: What?! Yoooo, you gave me your number and was all over me on the dance floor!

Me: What? um, Negative...I never am "all over" ANYONE "on the dance floor" And, second of

        all, I know that wasnt me because I don't give my phone number out to ANYONE and if I 

        do its never my cell, its always my business card with my WORK NUMBER.  How did you 

        get this number??

Dude: Yoooo you drawlinnn right now, you gave it to me!... for real I couldn't call you cause I 

           got locked up for a minute...

Me: You got what?! Now Im certain I didn't talk to you, cause if you looked like the type that 

         could get locked up, you were the last thing on my mind...

Dude: Yo, I got booked for havin' some tree on me..you know ....they got me with that new stop 

            and search shit

Me: ok, now im really going to hang up, this is ridiculous

Dude:yoooo what are you talking about? You was reallll drunk thats why you dont know who I 

          am

Me: huh? I dont even drink at the club, cause Im the one usually driving! and if you know me 

        so well what do I look like?...you were prolly talking to one of my friends

Dude: Yo, you had like long hair....

Me:...um, that really narrows it down!

Dude: yo chill!....for real, you light skin and have really big eyes, I been trying to call u but I 

           had to take care of those things

Me:...ok, for real, who is this, because this isn't funny

Dude: Im not playin yo.... Yoooo....I got to call you right back, you want me to call you back 

            from a number thats not private? Im serious I just got out, thats why Im callin you back 

            now

Me: Fine, whatever.

Clickkk

Ring Ringggg (Private number..again!)

Me: now seriously...who is this?

Dude (sounds like a different voice, still deep and gruff): yoooo, whats good

Me: who is this, This sounds like a different voice

Dude: Its me ****, I got booked at the club, thats why I didn't call you back

Me: You already told me that

Dude: No I didn't....

Me:...ahh...yes you did!

Dude: This is the first time I ever talked to you!

Me: (click! hit the little red button on the right side of my cell for "END CALL")

 

Red Flags and Green Flags

"Hello Hello Hello Ladies, how you doinnnn? ...Dat nigga crazy girl, don't say nuthin toooeemmmm" Shawty Lo feat. Jeezy and Wayne

This happens to be MY blog. So, regardless of who reads I intend to write whatever I feel like writing.  Even so...I still hope the person with whom this post is about, doesn't read this....lol.  Oh well...Its not like hes on the computer very much anyway.   So for the sake of all purposes lets just call him Fuzzy Sweater....FS for short.  Here is the story...

I met FS at a club.  I met FS at a club right after I had left another club. During that time I was actually  looking for a guy that I had met at the previous club.  So, technically FS found me.... because I surely wasn't looking for him. 

I thought this was a good sign...I always thought that meeting the person you're suppose to be with would be like that....unexpected... like, waiting for the Second Coming of Christ... No one knows the time or place when its going to happen, but you always have to be prepared. 

Needless to say, he came up behind me and proceeded to dance with me, while whispering into my ear, "just dance with me, my boy is watching right behind me, don't play me out."  I of course thought this was rather cute so I accepted the dance.  

Fast forward to the information I gained about Mr. Fuzzy Sweater, named so endearingly from the feeling that hit my cheek when I accidentally fell into his chest while giving him my business card. What can I say, Im a bit clumsy and it was dark. & What can I say, Business Cards seem more 'grown up' after you turn 24.  Easier than whipping out the nearly dead Razor, and a bit more classy I think.

The Information/Green Flags

1.He fit my height requirements...6 ft or above

2.He graduated from college  (A Christian School at that in 4 years...possibly 4.5, I cant remember...either way, the man got out, and can probably quote more scriptures than T.D. Jakes)

3. He has a good full time salary paying job that is LEGAL. 

4. Fairly good looking and very athletic

5. He made me laugh

These are the top 5 Flags that I deemed were green.  

Now the flag system goes as follows....you CANNOT base any full decisions on any one Green flag.   However, you MUST base ALL full decisions on any of the Red Flags.  

Red flags are the bright loud signs that tell you as my close friend L. Stacey puts it, 

"DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!" 

The green flags are just there so you can add them up until you realize that there are enough to know that this person is worthy to be with you.

Now, let me explain something.  I've been through enough events with stupid dudes to know how to notice the green flags and the red flags by now....Or so I thought..  

However I failed to remember what my hair stylist Angie once told me, "Girl they're are always different red flags... the system comes up with New and Improved Red Flags!"

What Angie failed to tell me was that there can be so many great Green flags, that they can blind you from seeing the not so obvious "new and improved" red flags....

  

Like I previously stated....everyone has a different set of top green flags....yet being a young black successful woman today....a degree and a job are commonly top requested green flags considering a large portion of the black men in America don't have their degree in anything except bullsh*t, are involved in illegal things-drugs-guns-etc, have 3+ different baby's mama's, are jobless (because they CHOOSE too) living off their own mama, are dead, or are in jail....like our good friend Orlando...and then you have the war in Iraq....need I continue?

So here is my conclusion.  For the sake of privacy it is completely unnecessary for me to explain the events thereafter.  It is completely unnecessary for me to explain how I found out the red flags about FS, or even what the red flags where.  In all honesty FS isn't such a terrible guy, he just didn't happen to be the guy for me, and I was terribly blinded by his height, degree, and job.  

So let this be a warning to you.  Keep your top green flags, but always be on the look out for the hidden red ones and don't be blinded by a good job, a degree, or a soft fuzzy sweater for that matter....because it could all blow up in your face once even the first red flag pops up.

 

'TIll then...always be prepared...for both the Second Coming as well as the first coming of the one who's green flags add up to a worthy amount and are not counteracted by hidden red ones.

Friday Night at the Club

Friday Night:

3:30 am: Leave the Club

4:00 am: Hanging outside the car talking to people....

4:15: Hear, "POP POP pop pop pop Pop pop pop pop"

4:16: Jump in the car along with people I came with
and a random boy that I don't really know jumps in next to me...

4:17: Look over to the corner to see two dudes laid out on the
ground from being shot in the head

4:18: Dude realizes he's in the wrong car

4:19: As Dude opens the door, the driver of the car Im in simotaneously (sp?) backs the car up. causing the door to bend all the way back and break, caught on the truck parked next to us scraping it

4:20: We peel away as Im desperately trying to hold the door shut, which is approx. 1.4 feet away from the car....

4:25: We drive home as I peer outside the car door at the Ben Franklin Bridge highway pavement, holding the door as close to the car as possible

4:26: Dude in the front seat says, " You buckled in"

4:27: I say, "Yes you ignorant Nigga, I am buckled in....however you seemed to have waited till we got pretty far to ask me that question"

4:28: Ignorant nigga says, "I'm sorry"

4:29: I forgive him for his ignorant ways.