Mr. and Mrs. Murphy

Last night my sister and I went to a close friends wedding...I had to leave straight from work to attend, so as I was preparing my coworker and I had a short convo.

C/W: you going to wedding?

SBG: yup, a friends.

C/W: you married?

SBG: Nope, not me.

C/W: you have boyfriend?

SBG: ah, No, I don't have one of those either...

C/W: You need to go to more party.

SBG:huh?

C/W: In my country you have party.  You invite friend. Friend invite other friend. That friend invite another friend.  My daughter meet husband this way.

SBG: Sigh, thanks for the tips.

Red Flags and Green Flags

"Hello Hello Hello Ladies, how you doinnnn? ...Dat nigga crazy girl, don't say nuthin toooeemmmm" Shawty Lo feat. Jeezy and Wayne

This happens to be MY blog. So, regardless of who reads I intend to write whatever I feel like writing.  Even so...I still hope the person with whom this post is about, doesn't read this....lol.  Oh well...Its not like hes on the computer very much anyway.   So for the sake of all purposes lets just call him Fuzzy Sweater....FS for short.  Here is the story...

I met FS at a club.  I met FS at a club right after I had left another club. During that time I was actually  looking for a guy that I had met at the previous club.  So, technically FS found me.... because I surely wasn't looking for him. 

I thought this was a good sign...I always thought that meeting the person you're suppose to be with would be like that....unexpected... like, waiting for the Second Coming of Christ... No one knows the time or place when its going to happen, but you always have to be prepared. 

Needless to say, he came up behind me and proceeded to dance with me, while whispering into my ear, "just dance with me, my boy is watching right behind me, don't play me out."  I of course thought this was rather cute so I accepted the dance.  

Fast forward to the information I gained about Mr. Fuzzy Sweater, named so endearingly from the feeling that hit my cheek when I accidentally fell into his chest while giving him my business card. What can I say, Im a bit clumsy and it was dark. & What can I say, Business Cards seem more 'grown up' after you turn 24.  Easier than whipping out the nearly dead Razor, and a bit more classy I think.

The Information/Green Flags

1.He fit my height requirements...6 ft or above

2.He graduated from college  (A Christian School at that in 4 years...possibly 4.5, I cant remember...either way, the man got out, and can probably quote more scriptures than T.D. Jakes)

3. He has a good full time salary paying job that is LEGAL. 

4. Fairly good looking and very athletic

5. He made me laugh

These are the top 5 Flags that I deemed were green.  

Now the flag system goes as follows....you CANNOT base any full decisions on any one Green flag.   However, you MUST base ALL full decisions on any of the Red Flags.  

Red flags are the bright loud signs that tell you as my close friend L. Stacey puts it, 

"DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT $200!" 

The green flags are just there so you can add them up until you realize that there are enough to know that this person is worthy to be with you.

Now, let me explain something.  I've been through enough events with stupid dudes to know how to notice the green flags and the red flags by now....Or so I thought..  

However I failed to remember what my hair stylist Angie once told me, "Girl they're are always different red flags... the system comes up with New and Improved Red Flags!"

What Angie failed to tell me was that there can be so many great Green flags, that they can blind you from seeing the not so obvious "new and improved" red flags....

  

Like I previously stated....everyone has a different set of top green flags....yet being a young black successful woman today....a degree and a job are commonly top requested green flags considering a large portion of the black men in America don't have their degree in anything except bullsh*t, are involved in illegal things-drugs-guns-etc, have 3+ different baby's mama's, are jobless (because they CHOOSE too) living off their own mama, are dead, or are in jail....like our good friend Orlando...and then you have the war in Iraq....need I continue?

So here is my conclusion.  For the sake of privacy it is completely unnecessary for me to explain the events thereafter.  It is completely unnecessary for me to explain how I found out the red flags about FS, or even what the red flags where.  In all honesty FS isn't such a terrible guy, he just didn't happen to be the guy for me, and I was terribly blinded by his height, degree, and job.  

So let this be a warning to you.  Keep your top green flags, but always be on the look out for the hidden red ones and don't be blinded by a good job, a degree, or a soft fuzzy sweater for that matter....because it could all blow up in your face once even the first red flag pops up.

 

'TIll then...always be prepared...for both the Second Coming as well as the first coming of the one who's green flags add up to a worthy amount and are not counteracted by hidden red ones.

Watch Boy Stalker Part II

So, I haven't posted in a quite a while...but I feel as though I should document the latest happenings between I and WBS.  Actually, this isn't the latest happenings....this is the run down of events that happened a few months ago, however Im just getting to put it all down in words.  So here goes it...

I swore never to give WBS bka Watch Boy Stalker a chance.  However, I kept feeling bad as I would take my daily walk to Starbucks every day (yes I started going again) and see him staring at me.  ...I felt like I should at least say hello to him...its only the proper thing to do.  So, anyway, after a few days of hello, he actually persuaded me to come by to talk for a few minutes.  

So on this particular day, I did just that....and low and behold, WBS wasn't as negative of a human being that I previously thought.  Now, don't get me wrong... in no way was he on my list of possibles....He was still a stalker, with a head shaped slightly reminding me of Burt (of the Ernie and Burt Sesame Street characters), and least not we forget...the boy still sold watches for a living.  

But either way, that day WBS and I shared a few good laughs.  (to make this quick....)

He said he'd call me later on.  I said ok.  Later on I received no call.  I wondered why.  He text me.  The text said...Im in the car now, so I can text you.  I'm still confused at this point as to the sense of texting in a car when it would be easier to put me on speaker phone (mind you the no cell in car law only applies to New Jersey, and at this time was not implemented yet regardless)...either way, he says he'll call when he gets home.  He doesn't. Im surprised.

Either way, a few days later, after some excuse of a broken phone incident, WBS had my number again, and one more chance.  That day we talked again.  He's a vegetarian.  He went to school for a few years..a couple I should say, considering a few would be three.  ...anyway, he has 5 brothers etc. etc. you know the usual info....and he brings up his past relationship with a girl he was once in love with, known for 10 yrs...but they broke up because...blah blah blah...all things I am so not interested in hearing about.  

So then I ask where he lives and if he has roomates.  And then the silence becomes apparant as I am able to here the coffee beans grind all the way over at Starbucks...and then a light bulb goes off in my head....I ask..."You live with her dont you..."...so to make an even longer story short, I spend the rest of the 10 minutes at the watch place hearing excuses as to why he's living with his ex girlfriend, yet still thinks it makes a bit of sense to be hitting on me.  

And you think thats the final clenture of the story.  Oh...you are so very wrong.  

The next day I dont see WBS.  ...the day after that...still no WBS....and the day after that and the day after that...

Then one day my coworker comes in and tells me..."Hey, I saw Orlando in the newspaper.  Hes in jail...have you spoken to him?"

So, to finish this post Im ending with this.  I was right to ignore WBS, and all other crazy looking/acting guys that approach me, because in the end WBS wasn't a "nice guy, trying to get to know me"  He merely was a college drop out, living with his ex girlfriend (thats why he could only text me, and couldn't call me at home), and now a criminal, featured in the Philadelphia Inquire.

I rest my case. 

Watch Boy Stalker + Tall Mocha w/ Extra Whip=Migraine

So in a nutshell, for the past few days I've endured incredible-y bad migraines. Im actually experiencing one of these incredible-y bad migraines as I type, so although I haven't blogged in a good 2+ months, I still have decided to keep this entry fairly short and too the point. Does this sadden you? If so you can blame Orlando aka Watch Boy Stalker....but for time purposes we'll call him WBS.
So....this is my story. Every day I faithfully visit Starbucks before I head into work. I go in at the exact same time every morning....9:55am. At this exact time I order a tall mocha with extra whip and an ice-d lemon pound cake. No. not the entire cake. Just a slice. Its become so regular that on my last visit I was told upon arrival, "Goodmorning hun, since its the holiday season we had to put the ice-d gingerbread pound cake in the case but we still have some ice-d lemon in the back for you" So on one of these fateful mornings as Im headed to work, with mocha in hand, and crumb of ice-d lemon pound cake slice in mouth, I am approached by said boy, WBS. In short here is our convo.

WBS: hey....can I talk to you for a second
SBG:What do you want?
WBS:Why is your face looking like that?
SBG:Im trying to figure out what you want from me
WBS:Well, I work right across the way at the watch place...I see you go into Starbucks every morning at the exact same time and I want to get to know you....Can I take you out to lunch sometime.
SBG:Listen, next time you decide to approach a woman out of the blue you need to introduce yourself first.
WBS: Oh I apologize...my name is Orlando...
SBG: Well, Orlando, my name is Renee, nice to meet you...(I proceed to walk away)
WBS:...Hey wait...you never said if I could take you out!
SBG:....I go to Starbucks the same time every day...you'll see me again.

So after this, I vowed to sacrifice my morning coffee and danish, by never going to Starbucks again, in order to avoid Orlando...aka WBS. However a few days later I thought I would beat the system by going at 11 oclock to throw WBS off, and still go to Starbucks. In essence....the smell of espresso broke me. I gave in. Orlando was at the watch store. He saw me. I was caught. sadness. So fast forward to a week later, when Im sure you can relate to my surprise when I looked up from my paperwork to find Orlando standing in front of me. ...

SBG: How did you find out where I worked?
WBS:I was in here a little while ago and I was watching you the other day, but I didn't want to say anything...
SBG: I cant believe you came to my job....
WBS: You never told me if you would go out with me or not...

The rest of this conversation is unecissary. Just know this...I since have not been to Starbucks for the past 5 days, therefore I am going into Caffeine Withdraw, therefore I am experiencing wildly painful heachaches, all because of my stalker WBS...with whom I still have not gone out to lunch with, and will continue to starve every morning and endure painful migrains in order to avoid his creepy-ness. So finally, for Christmas, all I ask for is a Duncan Donuts Gift Card. Thank you. Good night.